Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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