I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do herpes really smell.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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