OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They are going to name an STD after you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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