Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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