what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
