90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
