My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
