he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I will pee on everything he values.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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