So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
did i walk over a car last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
not ubering you a puppy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
