Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
