Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
