I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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