i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
