He told me they were just razor bumps!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
