and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
