Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
