So drunk its hurt
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
