Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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