i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
