My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize