is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We're too hungover to prance.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
