Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
