she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
