I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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