She said her name was "party"
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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