awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize