yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
