Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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