i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
