I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
