How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
