mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
