My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
