Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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