if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
smell my finger.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
