I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
