Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
