the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
