Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
