Don't make out with my wife yet
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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