It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
