Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't turn off my feet"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
