I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
