why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
