Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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