I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
