i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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