Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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