hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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