On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
