The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
