roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
