can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
