My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
