my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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