I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
