just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
