Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize