3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
