Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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