So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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